FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Blood and glitter go together right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
