I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Houston, we have a squirter
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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