Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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