dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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