Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
