Don't you send me to vm
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
