If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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