Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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