When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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