K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
