I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
