Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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