Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
