:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
