Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
