i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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