you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
