if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
