we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
