Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I AM VODKA MAN
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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