i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
