So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
