The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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