Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
