maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
