That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
