oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
