forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
