I feel like abortions should bother me more
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
