Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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