yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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