Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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