I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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