i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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