Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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