I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
