It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
