I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
