I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
