Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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