Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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