Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
