I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
