remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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