Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
