I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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