I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
