Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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