Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
