11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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