I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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