I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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