It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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